Filed under: behavior | Tags: behavior, domestic partnership, donor, family, inseminate, lisa loeb, people, politics, pregnancy
I wonder where Lisa Loeb is now? Is she married with a family? Becoming domesticated with her family life. Or is she playing small gigs at coffee shop type places or small bars while people are holding the locally brewed dark ale in one hand, pocket in jeans, and swaying side to side to the tune of “So” while reminiscing of their adolescents? I layed in bed last night and an old melodramatic song of hers kept repeating in my head. Oh how i related so much to Lisa Loeb in high school. Everything was so dreadfully painful in my youth. All problems were life and death and heartbreaking. I work with high schoolers everyday. I am beyond empathetic to their dramas or day-to-day. How a boy breaks their hearts or they can’t get a date to winter formal. At the same time I see how easy they have it. Good wholesome kids whose parents give them everything they can. They haven’t had to make life changing decisions, their parents make them for them. I have trouble saying no to those I love, somewhat to my detriment. I’m not sure when it happened. But Lisa Loeb’s lyrics don’t speak the way they used to.
and you say i only hear what i want to:
i don’t listen hard,
i don’t pay attention to the distance that you’re running
or to anyone, anywhere,
i don’t understand if you really care,
i’m only hearing negative: no, no, no.
Does that not scream teenager??? However, to this day the most negative comes from me from what i tell myself. So, many life changes we are going through now, leading to so many emotions. Emotions I basically suck at expressing. I am broken - in the injured sense and somewhat dramatic – we have to put things off on our baby plans until I get through my knee surgery and my back allows me to continue day-to-day without excruciating pain. Through this Brooke has talked about going back to school. While we also struggle paying for our insemination.
Oh how I long for the days when this was simpler a could brood over a song that made sense and made me feel I wasn’t along in the world.
you say i only hear what i want to.
you say i talk so all the time so.
and i thought what i felt was simple,
and i thought that i don’t belong,
I really wish it was as simple as an english test…..
Filed under: behavior | Tags: domestic partnership, inseminate, lesbian family, OBGYN, people, politics, pregnancy, prejudice
Often one of my crazy conceptions I have had in my head about bringing more people into the world is really the state of the world. The state of people, the ideas they have, and the hated for others. I am weary of people in general. What I am always amazed is the ways people come together. It takes a horrible event in Haiti make people care about one individual thing. Suddenly, there is a common goal, a solidarity among people. This want to help others and be grateful for what you have. Other things – sporting events. Last night Brooke and I went to a Portland Trailblazers basketball game. Thousands of people whom in day-to-day life might completely despise each other bond with their desire for “their” team to annihilate another. This for some reason never ceases to amaze me. A common goal among strangers brings anyone closer together. This phenomenon is honestly one of the things that melts my heart for whatever reason. On the other hand being that one person with a jersey on from the “other” team, is not in luck. People that would normally be pleasant in day-to-day life take such personal disrespect because of your choice of team. Strangers attack someone because they are from somewhere else and dare to cheer for “their” team. This makes me weary of people. This ruins this wonderful utopia of togetherness.
What people think to themselves, I often wonder. Would I rather them say it to my face? We sat by an old man and his grandson he seemed so nice and I wondered what he though when I put my arm around Brooke. So, quickly people’s idea of another can change. So swiftly can a hatred be ignited. Whether someone supporting the team you want to lose or there is an interracial couple. What if you take off you jacket mid-conversation with someone and you have an Obama shirt when they voted for Cain? What if someone is telling you how cute your baby is and they ask about the father and you say she has two mommies? I cannot predict how people will always react, instead I am weary of many people. And in awe of how minor things can cause a complete stranger to have utter hatred for you.
Filed under: lesbian pregnancy | Tags: adoption, baby, domestic partnership, donor, GLBT, inseminate, pregnancy, psychic
I guess the big question for me today is about belief. Do I believe in psychics? If I do, just because they say something, does it make it so? Things have been complicated lately. Because of my injuries we have had to take a break from insemination to take care of me. Before all we talked about was making this baby we hope to one day have. Now we talk about doctors appointments, injections, and surgeries for me.
After our last baby making attempt we decided to see a psychic. Brooke has always wanted to get her palm read. It’s something we have always wanted to do for fun, just to see. I had heard about this woman on the radio. People were saying she told them when they would conceive and it happened. I thought what could it hurt, maybe it will be good news. I really never expected what Brooke was told. Brooke went to see the woman by herself. It was an appointment day. Yesterday morning I had an appointment for my knee telling me they were going to operate. After that we went to the psychic appointment for Brooke. It’s amazing how much she was able to tell Brooke about her, just by holding her ring. Brooke told her my birthday and I have to admit did not expect all she knew about me either. We had already decided to take another month off trying until we figured out my back. I didn’t expect this woman saying it would take longer than we thought. She had told Brooke we needed to take care of me first.
She even gave Brooke a number. When we would have the baby. So, do I believe what she says? To we take it to heart and not try until she predicts it will happen. What about everything else she said? These other life affected things…do I believe them? do I not want to? If I do, if what she said is true in all these ways does my blog change from what two lesbians are going through to make a child, to the leaps and bounds two lesbians go through in their crazy young adult life getting us ready to make a baby?
