Filed under: lesbian pregnancy, Uncategorized | Tags: baby, doctor, domestic partnership, donor, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, lesbian family, OBGYN, ovulation, pregnancy
We are at least hoping second time is a charm. So, last week we went in for our second insemination. This time we came into luck when Brooke was ovulating. She had already had the day off of work so there was no chance anyone at her job was gong to find out. However, at my job it was a little more difficult. My mom is my boss so the last time I just had to tell my mom and she lied about why i wasn’t at work. This time she was out-of-town and I had to seriously rearrange things and inform some people as to why. Thankfully no one has been pushy since. This time was different then our first try. First of all our nurse was much easier to be comfortable with and we weren’t as nervous. We knew what we were expecting and our appointment was first thing in the morning. Unlike the last time when we were anxious half the day. It was so funny watching them put the speculum in and having to find her cervix. This time she was more informative about what she was doing the whole time. I so badly wanted to look, but i stayed put holding Brooke’s hand. It has been exactly a week and we haven’t talked about it as much as the last time. We are hoping the less pressure we put on it the more likely it will be to work out.
I found it kind of funny when one of our younger male friends, who is about 19, asked about how the process was going. I told him the first time it didn’t work so we are just going to keep at it. In his mind he said that he thought all it took was one try no matter what. I admit this kind of thing was not something I thought about when I was 19 and it’s definitely different being a guy. Over and over again I am amazed about just how little people know about the whole process we as a lesbian couple have to go through to have a child. This time around we are both less stressed about it all. We will hopefully have more patience. And more than anything I hope this second try will be a charm for us.
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I haven’t been updating in a little while because I have been so sick with the flu. I can’t believe how bad it was. Then of course all I can think is what’s going to happen when I get sick and we have a baby around??? Brooke is always the one who takes care of me. Then what if the baby gets sick. I’m not going to lie one of my tough ideas to grasp is that I won’t have Brooke all to myself. I know it sounds completely corny and all that, but Brooke really does make me so much more than whole. The biggest complement we got recently was someone asking if we were newlyweds. I am more in love with Brooke every day. She is so much part of every reason of my day. And along with this baby I will have to share her. I am honest and selfish enough to admit that does make me nervous. But as Brooke assures me a child will just add to what we have. Which actually I do agree. I can’t wait to see Brooke pregnant and have a child growing in her that will be ours together. However, being sick actually brought up some completely stupid and irrational fears. I watched tv ALOT. On one show this woman died in child birth and the father had trouble connecting to his son after that. He blamed this baby for his wife dying. Stupid to fear something like that. But that’s what I do I worry and over think and all that. I don’t know what I would do if something happen to Brooke during birth or the child. In some ways I just think of all the negative things that would drive me in sane. The whole risk factor behind everything. Then Oprah has this woman who was so overwhelmed didn’t realize she left her 9 month old in the car while she was at work and she died of heat stroke. Then of course they have all these mothers with how stressed out they are, multiple kids, mothers of special needs children. It’s all those unknown factors that are just scary. Really the most important thing for me is that the Brooke is going to be happy and healthy and we will have a healthy and happy child.
Filed under: lesbian pregnancy, Uncategorized | Tags: adoption, baby, behavior, doctor, drama, family conflict, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, lesbian family, OBGYN, pregnancy, support
Ok Tuesday I awoke stressed. Brooke was nauseous. We have different ways to deal with our nerves. We had been waiting for Tuesday for quite some time. Brooke took the day off work and I took most of the day with a half day. Tuesday we went to the doctor. Dr. Patton it appears will be “the guy”. Dr. Patton kind of wierds me out to be honest and didn’t exactly calm my nerves. OHSU is the one sperm bank in Oregon so good thing it’s nearby. I was cranky and irritable and just plain old nervous. When we actually got registered and checked in I was bombarded with just how real this all felt. How close we were to getting all of this done. I wasn’t sure what exactly we were going to be discussing in the first place I just knew it was something we had to do. Well Dr. Patton and his assistant met with us in his nice corner office. With his black leather couch for two practically on top of his desk with binders and displays of the uterus and vagina. I felt like he wanted to talk more about Zupan’s then the process. He kept asking Brooke stupid questions about her job while I just wanted to know what we have to do now to make this damn baby. Finally I pulled it out of him. Brooke got the blood work needed and we filled out all the paperwork to actually get the donor we picked out (known as #6452). We spoke with Dr.Patton for about 45 minutes which I think about 20 minutes was actually about the situation. He told us all about the ovulation testing and that we also need to see a counselor who is a fertility expert. Which the counselor kind of rubs me the wrong way. I don’t feel it’s necessary and I especially don’t like that it is something that we are told to do. If we were able to make babies on our own this would be a non issue. Not only is it something I don’t want to do, it’s one more thing I have to worry about paying for. After we talk to Dr. Patton they move us to another small room(this time no view) with one desk, a computer that we can’t use anyways, 3 chairs, and a phone that isn’t plugged it. At this time we are supposed to read all the information he gave us and fill out the donor paperwork. Throughout this time period 2 other people keep coming back and forth with questions and answers as well as Dr. Patton. At this point I am beyond overwhelmed which makes me more cranky. Somehow we eventually get out of there and all I really want to do is go home and spend time with Brooke. However, Brooke did want to see the ovulation kits and how much they cost. So, at Fred Meyer there are about 6 different kinds to choose from. Another choice that seems so daunting.
So, here we are now. The next step we have to go see a counselor. After that we start using these ovulation tests. When that little test gives us the right result, we call up their office and they set up an appointment for the next day. That day they will stick a little catheter in there and pray those guys from 6452 will find their way to baby making.
Filed under: lesbian pregnancy, Uncategorized | Tags: adoption, baby, donor, drama, family, family conflict, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, lesbian family, pregnancy, support
Hi Brooke,
Thanks for sending the great photos!
Well, we looked at 6452 and two new donors with Irish heritage, 6488 and 6497. In our opinion, 6452 is the strongest match. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the best match, we would score between 8 and 8.5 for facial match. 6497 comes in second, perhaps at 6.5 – 7 but would still be a decent choice, and 6488 at perhaps 5 – 5.5.
I also looked at 9887 who is English and Irish on both sides of his family, and he actually may be a decent match and would surpass 6497, scoring a 7-7.5 for facial match. He could almost be a close second to 6452.
Of course I think I told you that 9888 is geographically restricted, so you would not be able to use that donor.
I looked for other Irish donors in our bank that are no longer on our list but couldn’t find any with a remarkable amount of Irish in their background.
I hope this helps! Let me know if you have further questions.
So, it turns out they can make suggestions for donors based on a picture. Brooke sends him 2 pictures of me and 1 with the both of us. Then they found what donors would physically resemble me the most with the criteria that is important to us. Which basically that there is Irish decent. My Irish heritage is extremely important to me. Especially, since I lost my dad at such a young age. A couple of months ago I was getting massively frustrated with donors and the ones that seemed to be the best match were geographically unavailable. Which basically means they have already produced too many children in this area so just in case some half siblings meet without knowing a few years down the road they don’t accidentally make messed up kids. I was getting to the point where I didn’t even care I just wanted a healthy baby.
However, recently we discovered donor number 6452. He is new to sperm donation is married with two young children of his own. A well educated man who is also athletic I believe his grandmother is Native American, which makes my mom happy. And what makes her even more happy is that there are multiple tennis players in his family. As you can see in the letter from above he is an 8-8.5 match with me. So, it seems we have found a donor that fits for us. Brooke and I both immediately liked him when we read his form. And the picture match is icing on the cake. Apparently, we still have to decide if we do use him if we need to get extra samples for later if we want more kids and if the first try at baby making doesn’t work.
I know for now it seems to be going fairly smooth with our choices. I think the most difficult thing now is the constant doubts of my ability to financially support a family. As well as this crazy fear when I see random families on the street or at stores that my child will be out of control and for some reason they will be in constantly dirty clothes. Oh yes and we will see how Brooke’s trip to see her family in Florida goes when she gives them the good news. I recently found out she has just told AJ her brother and her mother still isn’t in the loop….
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: adoption, baby, donor, drama, family, family conflict, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, lesbian family, pregnancy, support
So, Nancy, my mother, is excited. Brooke and I decided to show her some possible donors and told her of our upcoming appointment with the doctor at the end of September. Apparently, Brooke also told her when we changed it as well. Luckily there was an opening earlier in the month so now September 15th we are going to OHSU to meet with the doctor. Nancy changed it in her planner. That is the detail that was kind of shocking to me. I know Nancy is excited, I know she can’t wait to be a grandma, I still think its hysterical she put our doctor appointment in her date book. When my brother got married to his now ex-wife Nancy got a little tennis baby set. It’s this Wilson tennis ball can with some little booties, a onesie and I don’t know what else. I know she cannot wait to give it to her first grandchild. So, when my brother got divorced that put that on Brooke and I, unless my brother went crazy and got some chick pregnant.
I am not really sure how all of our families will take it. My Godmother thinks we are crazy, not because we are gay and having a baby, but because she thinks no one should get tied down. My Uncle is in his 80′s always been a conservative man and shocked my cousins beyond belief when he was accepting of my sexuality was surprisingly also very excited we were planning on having baby. I think my brother is happy for us, but I can’t help but feel he is also resentful. I am unaware what exactly Brooke has told her parents. I do know from the beginning it has been a rocky road with her family. Brooke’s dad handled it pretty well and whatever issues he had with her sexuality did not take it out on us. When it came to her mother that was different. The first time we met we actually got through a whole meal without her speaking directly to me and when I spoke at all she would look down. We have come a long way for sure she sent me jelly beans for christmas last year I have no idea what that means. Brooke’s half sister is 6 and she seems to know for some reason I am a part of Brooke’s life. I think overall her family knows this is our life and I’m not going away. I just hope everyone in our family will be as excited as my mom is. Brooke is from a very very small town in South Dakota it’s uncomfortable to visit as it is as a coupld. Would it be even harder with a child that had two moms?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: adoption, donor, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, lesbian family, pregnancy, support
Donor number 6497 he has some very nice physical traits plus he is Irish and English. 6’2″ fair skin well education all that. Then we look at everything else. We are trying to figure out what kind of traits with personality would really pass down. I am going to be completely honest my two biggest fears are, one the baby won’t be healthy and our child will be like one of the geeky kids I picked on as a kid. A kid that will love all the things I hate, or just aren’t enjoyable to me. One of our major necessities is an Irish background for me. Just going through this guys interview I’m annoyed with how he answers all his questions in the first place. His special interests mostly include some sort of musical instrument. And he plays in a military band. I had to ask what a piccolo even was. His interests are all about science or Japanese or one instrument or another. Now I find nothing wrong with musical people, I myself have no musical ability whatsoever. I played piano when I was younger and that’s about it. No one in his immediate family have any interest in sports. When this guy was a kid he enjoyed chess and judo. Then i start looking at all the people in his family. There are a couple minister’s and of course a ministers wife. What sticks out to me is his uncle who is an evangelical minister. That above all just scares me. I consider myself a fairly religious person. I grew up in Catholic school. I just think evangelicals scare me. And this has nothing to do with a child we could have, however what if there is some crazy gene this family has that will somehow pass to my child. This family as a whole with this information and a lot more seem like a very right wing family. I have gotten over my fear of right wingers and really have a lot of friends and family that are republicans and can accept different believe systems. But I think when an entire family history kind of scares me maybe that’s not the right choice.
Now I will love my child whether they can play sports or not, whether they are a little geeked out or not. But I would like some hope that Brooke can be the soccer mom she wants to be. That hopefully I can teach my own child to play tennis or my mother can. My entire family does not exist without athletics. We like our football season and going to sporting events.
As many traits that my family has of alcoholism, depression, health problems, and sometimes all around craziness. I really do wish I could pass on my fathers charisma and musical ability, along with my mothers intelligence and athletic ability. We would like to find someone with as much resemblence to me as possible. I know no matter what they will be my child I will love them just the same, but there is always a part of me that is wondering about the whole nature versus nurture factor.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: drama, family, family conflict, GLBT, inseminate, lesbian, pregnancy, support
So I am a complete stress case I don’t think I would survive without the wonderful help of Xanax in my life. I am a worrier. I worry about everything. And it drives me crazy. Currently though I am slightly irritated as well as worried.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend took my mother to a John Legend concert for her birthday. We had given up on going in on presents with my brother since we gave him money for mother’s day and he messed up and never got the present. Also, last Christmas he said he would purchase the item then we would pay him. Instead without telling us he never did it and go something else for my mom and left Brooke and I out. So, my brother takes the money we gave him for Mother’s Day and spends it on these tickets. He tells us he did it and it’s from all of us. Even though we had already purchased a present for her which she adored. But oh well. However, he never tells my mom it’s from us. I eventually tell me mother, “you know that’s also from Brooke and I, he spent the money we gave him for Mother’s Day.” My mom thinks that’s not ok he should have asked us and so on, but I told her it was fine just wanted to let her know it was from us as well.
Irritating even more she still keeps telling people “my son got me these tickets.” Last week we were having a bbq and she says it right in front of Brooke.
Now I love my family and they are very supportive of me and what Brooke and I want to do with our lives. But sometimes I feel like my older brother and my mom act like the younger ones in my family. I am not sure what it is. I could go on and on about the situations my brother has recently put Brooke and I in with his girlfriend among other things. For instance telling his girlfriend Brooke made him go to a strip club and text his ex wife for him without his knowledge. That was one of the last straws we haven’t exactly spoken since. Which saddens me that my brother can’t take responsibility for his actions.
Before we decided to use a sperm bank we had considered using someone who knew. And since Brooke was carrying the baby my brother was as option to make us related by blood. We thought it was a good plan and my mother LOVED it. However, we were worried, my brother just went through a divorce he wanted kids first oh yeah and he voted for George Bush.
So, about a year ago we go to his office I had never been so nervous for anything, we expected him to say no. But no he said he would go to his doctor the next week and he was excited. However, he tells his girlfriend we begged him and i cried and Brooke never spoke and made up an entire story that never happened. Then he proceeds to lead us on about going to the doctor about when and what’s the next step. Suddenly, he stops returning phone calls and emails and bails on us every time we try to meet up to talk about it. His girlfriend finally makes him email us and tell us the truth…..but alas i cannot continue I have to work, but I will be back
Today I decided to start this blog thing I have been thinking about. I am not usually one to share a lot. I sure as hell talk a lot, but tend to stray away from much that says much about myself or my relationships. However, I have come to an impasse where this next year and well the last 6 months or so are bringing a lot into my life. And well I need an outlet of some sort. So, here I am.
I am a 26 year old lesbian. You could say I’m as “gay as a tennis player” because it really works its what I do for a living. I play and teach tennis. I mostly work with kids, teenagers, young adults whatever you want to call them. They all are very aware I am gay and most know my better have Brooke. It’s always hard to say “my partner” around work and those I am around most because they seem to assume she is my doubles partner. These kids are pretty amazing about it all though and most my adult clients as well. I am pretty open and it’s pretty hard not to like Brooke, she is so much nicer than me and can put up with so much more. Well, Brooke and I want to have a baby. And that seems to be what our lives are focused on right now.
I’d say about 50% of my thoughts per day are focused on whether or not I can be a good mother. The whole idea of me passing on all my crazy issues as a child and young adult. Also, can I support a family and so on. One benefit is Brooke will be carrying the baby so none of my wonderful family genes will be passing through. So, atleast there is a chance that kid won’t be an alcoholic or have some sort of mood disorder. And we can just hope the child won’t be too much like Brookes mom.
It’s amazing how much we have to do to have a child when there are so many people out there who accidently get pregnant all the time. Recently our tv vice had been a show on MTV called 16 and Pregnant. It’s a love hate relationship I have with this show. Children getting pregnant because they don’t feel like using a condom or “forgot” and they decide to be selfish and take care of a child. Well, it seems their parents do most of the work. One girl had to put her makeup on before they recorded her giving birth. I’m not sure what makes me angrier them thinking raising a child is so easy or them thinking their lives won’t change.
Brooke keeps telling me my life is going to change and hell I admit I’m a little worried. I tend to be selfish in ways around the home. I enjoy being taken care of. We definatly fill those typical sexual roles of the home. Brooke cooks cleans all that stuff I take out the garbage work etc. Not that I am sure I am very willing to give up my selfish ways. However, it scares the crap out of me.
So, we go see a lawyer this week. Since, being a lesbian couple we need science to make a baby not just “love” or the sexual act or being horny. It’s not that easy for us. I basically have to adopt this baby in order to make the child legally mine. The positive sides are if we enter into a civil union my name can go on the birth certificate. However, if we travel to a nearby state such as Idaho and something happens to Brooke or our child I have no legal rights unless we also adopt. I know we have come a long way in our society in acceptance. It does not make the whole process any less daunting or more fair really. Not to mention the extra costs of the paper work and lawyer fees. Then there has been the issue with Brooke and I about civil unions and marriage in the first place. She is anti marriage – well her parents ruined that idea for her. And I was stupid and naive enough to have a ceremony with my ex that ruined the ideas as well. However, to protect ourselves and our future child our lawyer recommends it to be the best thing to do.
We left that meeting with the lawyers with massive headaches for both of us. Not because we aren’t willing to do all of the work, but because it’s somewhat overwhelming and disheartening when we look at all the stuff we should do before we even start trying.
I have a friend who has had about 6-7 miscarriages over the years. She has two boys already and her and her husband want another child. She goes through all this pain and knows how likely it is to happen again. However, she is completely unwilling to give up her hope and keeps trying. She has recently had another miscarriage. She doesn’t tell people she is pregant when it happens for obvious reasons but somehow we find out she has lost another. After awhile you don’t know what to say anymore and you wonder if she has a chance. But she does more than anything she seems to want this child and she doesn’t seem willing to give up. So, if she can be possitive I don’t see why we can’t get through this together. Brookes doctor says she is in prime health to concieve. We are young and have time as well as each other.
Our next step is calling to make an appointment with the sperm bank. As well as to see the doctor who will inseminate for us.
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